Well…things are not looking up yet. I feel lost. Is this common at my age? I remember in my late 20’s how hopeful I was that I would find the love of my life (or he would find me). It never happened. Perhaps because I closed myself off to strangers when I was around 30. You see, the guy I was dating couldn’t take rejection and when I ended it, he tried to kill me. So my motto became, “I’m not going to choose again because I suck at it; God will have to send him to my door for me to give love another chance!” Wait a minute…this blog has taken a turn I hadn’t intended – it was supposed to be about “Feeling Lost”. Let’s get back on task… (see what I mean? I am lost J).
Okay, so why won’t God tell me His purpose and plan for my life? I’ve been asking Him for years now and...nothing. Could it be that I’m not ready for what He wants me to do? Could it be that I’m missing the messages (I don’t think that’s it – I’ve heard Him speak to me before)? Could it be that He’s making me wait as He did his Son while on earth [Jesus didn’t begin His ministry until age 30 and in 3 years accomplished great and wonderful things –3 years!]. Could it be that I’m already doing what He planned? So…what am I doing now? My life is very quiet. I work 8 to 5, run errands, come home, handle household chores, read my bible every morning, watch a little tele, talk to my 3 favorite people on the phone – you know, all the regular stuff. I’m not one of those really, really “nice” people that everybody speaks of as being a “nice person”. I’m an older version of Tamar Braxton – very opinionated.com and I don’t have a problem telling folks what I think! However, I do consider myself to be a decent human being – I’m generous, kind and spiritual. My one and only daughter is the highlight of my life; she IS one of those “nice persons”. It was easy raising her; she’s smart, beautiful, thoughtful, Godly and spiritual. I did something good when I had her…maybe my purpose has already been fulfilled – my daughter is God’s purpose for my life. Wow! How wonderfully blessed I am!!
2 comments:
Hang in there! I am around a lot of married and single women and they feel the same way. I think that happiness comes from within. I have tried to find it outside of myself and did not. What do we do now that our kids are grown? Is this all there is to living? We have to make it happen! How? I don't know but I'm working on it.
You are still young, beautiful and a Great Woman of God! Just know that "your latter will be greater than your past".
I like this quote by Anthony Perkins: "I want to live life to the fullest so that when death comes like a theif in the night he won't have anything to steal" Love You!!
Beautiful! Thank you, Cal! This is very uplifting and it's comforting to know that there are others my age who are also in search of true "purpose & joy within".
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