I don’t know what the underlying reasons are for my more than usual anxiety and restlessness. Seems to me I’ve heard that a breakthrough of some sort is just on the horizon when that happens. I’ve had this feeling for almost a week now. It could also be that my late mother’s birthday is tomorrow, along with being in denial about the upcoming relocation of my long-time clerical assistant (which is effective today). Not to mention being almost 25 pounds overweight with no energy to do anything about it. I come home after work, eat a little dinner, prepare for the next day and sit down to watch about 3 hours of television, and snack the whole time –knowing that I need to exercise (I have an elliptical and a treadmill – more on that later), cook several decent meals for the week, meditate, do the whole oral hygiene thing before bed, and then go to bed at a reasonable hour [I’m a night owl – I hate mornings]!
Now, back to the exercise thing. I moved into a different home about a year ago into a large neighborhood with gorgeous views and sidewalks on both sides of the street; the hilly landscape is great for power walking. Well…wouldn’t you know, I swear every household in that subdivision has a dog! Most are the little vanity pooches, but almost every day, I see one of them out and off their leashes! Complaining to the HOA does no good; they’re too concerned about folks having weeds in their lawns – even if the lawn is mowed! During the spring, summer and fall, my plan was to become an avid walker…that’s out of the question now because I don’t trust any dog not to bite – their nature is to bite, why would I assume they won’t? So, that explains why I must use my exercise equipment – in the safety of my own home!! I know, I know…you say, “why don’t you exercise while you’re watching those 3 hours of television?” Because I’m lazy after working 9 hours a day (it’s really 8 hours - I get an hour for lunch: just needed to make a point).
I’m also feeling like I have no real purpose. I’m not striving towards “exciting” goals – my immediate goals are to keep the bills paid, keep the food coming in (shop for it and cook it), do the laundry, clean the house, take the car for servicing, get my car washed, wash & set my hair every week, go to church (another tired, sad story) –all done during the weekends and days off! And, then there’s Monday --start the process all over again. UGH!! I am tired! I am bored…and I don’t even have a boyfriend to start some drama with! Just kidding on that one – I hate drama! I already know what you’re going to say…”get out there and do something”. Hell, doing something always means spending money. I’m 54 years old (a young 54, I might add) and I need to save more for retirement; so that limits vacations and spending money on frivolous fun, right?! Right. And furthermore, who has time for FUN?!!
